The Situation

Things happen along the way in life, especially things that you never planned or dreamed would happen. These undreamed things are not always good things either.

For instance, I fully expected to have a PhD. sitting on my wall by now for the nearly $120,000 in student loans that I now have. Instead, I am currently repaying my loans on a modest wage earned while learning a skilled trade as an apprentice. The wage is a far cry from being enough to pay the loan off in the short term. I figure it will take the rest of my life and then some at the current rate of repayment, even with foreseeable pay increases.

To make matters more agonizing, I was just notified by my student loan agency that my payments will nearly double from $274 to $491 for all future payments under an income contingent plan. That increase will take up almost 25% of my total monthly net income. I will not be able to get ahead or share a larger portion of the monthly bills with my new wife unless I get a new source of income or come into some type of windfall. I am not even sure I can afford the increase as is. I guess I have some math to work out.

Does anyone out there have any realistic ideas about other income sources? A way beyond all this debt? Relief of some kind? I am at a loss right now.

At this point, I really feel burned out and exhausted but also a need to keep plugging away to fix this, somehow. It's just that, at 40, my dream of having children of my own seems out of reach - having my own home too seems all but impossible unless something changes soon. I am frustrated because things feel hopeless to a certain degree. Mind you, I hope things aren't hopeless and that there is someway to fix all this.

The worst thing about all this is that I feel sad, alone and isolated with my student loans. The education that was supposed to free me has burdened me with the shame I feel for ever getting myself into this situation to begin with. Most isolating is that my family really has no knowledge as to the degree of my indebtedness and how it has paralyzed me. I can't bring myself to talk to them about it because of the great shame and embarrassment I feel. These loans, the large inescapable debt, have an additional burden not entirely summed up by the debt itself and it is soul sickening.

All these intertwined feelings lead me to wonder how many people like me there are out there. People feeling lost and helpless because they too got hoodwinked into thinking that spending lots of money on any kind of education was a surefire way to a good and prosperous future.

So this is where I am and what I am feeling as I start my blogging journey. I hope this helps someone as I explore this. I hope I find help as others have insight for me.

Welcome and good wishes to all who join me here.